Waiting

As usual , yesterday was not a great day for me.
I have been a long time never have a great day.

Since last few months , until now , i'm still waiting for the day,a full happy day for me.Don't know why , no matter how happy i'm now , i'll still have some unhappy moments too.Maybe i'm lacking of something.

I know, i can't be like that , holding for a thing tightly . I need to learn , how to put down the thing and how to make myself happy...

Sighing , sighing , sighing , non stop sighing for me , always haiz...
I don't know why , but the sigh , comes out from deep of my heart , deep in my heart , i know myself is unhappy , but i have to be happy in front of the people , because i told myself last time , i want to bring happiness to all of the people around me .
No matter when , no matter how , i want to see everyone's happy.

But as what i said last time , a guy who makes people happy , doesn't mean that he's happy.That's true , cause i'm experiencing it now.I know the feeling.I know that , how struggle i am.Pretend nothing to be happened , pretend i don't care about you , pretend i'm now very happy...My life's still miserable , full with misery , i still haven changed my life yet.Eventhough i like my job , i know that there's something i can't forget...

What should i do ? i don't know , maybe , what i have to do is , to wait the time , brushes everything clean , even my feeling towards you , i hope i can , forget you as soon as possible.Forgive me , for doing such a decision.Because i have been struggling for so many months , or maybe years .That's the most disastrous moments for me , i never tell anyone , even you , nobody will know how do i feel. Even when i was in a relationship before , haiz...that's what i can't forgive myself until now.

Refuse to start another relationship , refuse to take any actions toward the girl i like , because i scare , i might hurt another one , or i might hurt myself too..
I'm afraid of the hurt feeling...so i decided not to involve myself in any relationships anymore...