放下了，换来了轻松，笑容^^

昨天，说真的，是我最开心，最轻松的一天，不知怎么，我感觉周围的一天都很美，很好..
哈哈，我昨天没有叹气，我..破纪录了，没有haiz的一天，我感觉好像放下了心头大石，一直困扰着我的事解决了..我告诉自己，我一定会开心的走下去，不再叹气，不再去想不开心，伤心的事.

哈哈,现在才知道，喜欢上一个人，原来也可以很开心的..想起她时，我并不会感到难过..然而，心里会觉得甜甜的.很开心，很开心，原来，暗恋也可以很甜的=) 哈哈...
虽然，只是在远远看着她，虽然，并没有打算靠近，但是，我还是会默默的支持，为她加油的=)

不再盲目的追求一切，以往开心的我，将会再次的出现咯~嘻嘻，我好久都没那么开心了!!!!!!!!!

~压力~

最近真的被压力压到喘不过气了，工作的压力...突然觉得，身边的一切都很不美好。
动不动就唉声叹气，再不是就是火气有点大，动不动就会很不耐烦咯...多问几句，我就想骂人了...

Haiz..现在的我，好希望找到一个很好的聆听者，静静的，聆听着我的一切，静静的，聆听着我的不愉快...只要把我不愉快的东西都说出来，那我就会好过点咯..然而，我到现在还在寻找着这所谓的聆听者，好希望，能够快点找到..

看了日剧<恋空>觉得这日剧真的很棒...感动的情节，男女主角相爱的一切，还有男主角伟大的..为了美嘉的幸福，宁愿牺牲自己...让我深深的体会到，自己的幸福，应该自己去争取，幸福不会主动来找你的....我好希望，自己能够自己去追求属于自己的一切...我会的，只要我准备好了，我就会去寻回我自己的幸福，信心，一切的一切。

一个没有信心的人，做什么都不会成功，因为他已丧失了对自己的信任，不再相信自己的能力，低估自己，而我，将会再次的站起来，再次的，寻回属于自己的信心，我一定会做到....听着恋空的主题曲..让我想起了它的剧情...这内心的刺痛，是怎么回事呢？或许，戏里的一切深深的烙印在我的心里吧...戏如人生，人生如戏...再次的对自己承诺，我一定会做到的..

Gambateh yo! =)

一个不知名的东西

再次的回到了这部落格，我深深的知道，我的专长，是写作...只有运用这文字，才可以让我完完全全的说出自己的感受....文字，是我最好的朋友.....今天就让我来写写，以前的一些故事吧~


三年前

我是一个天真的小孩，和其他的中学生一样，我十分喜欢我的中学生涯，最开心的，就是可以和一般朋友吹吹水，谈天说地...什么都聊，甚至可以聊个不停...三年后的我，还是没变，还是老样子...或许，朋友对我而言，是很重要的.....
每天一去到学校，便是到我朋友班去，哪怕是一个在一楼，我班在三楼，我还是会去，因为朋友，让我的早晨充满了快乐的前奏，让我的一天充满了希望...中学时的我，并不是什么乖孩子吧，老师说一我做二，时常把老师的话当耳边风，功课可以说没交过咯~呵呵，然而，其他的成绩都很差，就是语文课，我还是没有退步过...或许，这就是我的优点吧，不用什么读书的我，还是可以在语文课里得到好的成绩...

当时的我中四...天真的我总以为自己是最棒的..然而，一个女生，让我彻底的明白了，原来自己是那么的脆弱，那么的幼稚...喜欢上她，对我造成的伤害是何等的大，连我自己也无法预料....
她的条件是何等的好，对我而言，她是很多追求者的吧...起初我认为只要我坚持下去，也许会成功，然而..一次又一次的被拒绝...我真得很难过，很伤心...好多次，我都打算放弃，然而，自己却还是控制不了自己...轻敌固然多，然而，对我来说，他才是最大的情敌吧..他的出现，让我对自己丧失了信心...我知道自己是不会有机会的吧，他那么的好...而我..一个幼稚的小男生?lol..没用的我，只可以自己独自的伤心吧，我哭的时候，有谁懂...一只告诉自己放弃，却放不了..一厢情愿的我，只可以独自伤悲，被刺痛的心，被夺走的自信心...当时的我，已经不再对自己有信心了，由于自己抱着很大的希望，换来的却是伤痕累累,第一次，我是真的受伤了，刺痛了的心，我好难过，好伤心，号码换了又换只为了避开她...给她的生日礼物，星星，折了几个月..然而，她收到也不会开心吧...
身边的朋友都告诉我放弃..她不会喜欢我的，我也知道，她应该是喜欢他吧...心里一直告诉自己，是时候放弃了，然而，这方法却只伤了我自己，我不知道还能做些什么.一年的时间，我都活在极度伤心的日子里吧...晚上也不怎么睡得着，那是我第一次为了一个女生失眠，流泪....

两年前
就这样，一年过去了,伤心了几个月..我遇上了一个女生...缘分真的很微妙，是透过我朋友给我的电话号码吧..我发了短信去，就那样认识了，然而，我并不知道她长什么样子...她是我的前任女友吧....其实我就是那样，糊里糊涂的就跟他一起了....一个月的时间，我并不了解她，不知道她长什么样...当时我在想或许，我应该尝试跟她一起?给自己和别人一个机会吧...而她，也是那么想的吧(因为她也为了一个男生而烦)而她和我，就因为同病相怜而在一起..这听起来很怪，但是却是真实的。。。就那样，跟她一起两年的时间，毕竟想出了那么久，感情还是会有吧..然而，那好像不是爱情...我爱的还是最初的那个..很明确很明确，好多次心里一直挣扎着，怪自己当初不三思，我又不想伤害她，也不想让自己受伤害...所以，就那样，过了两年多..两年说长不长，说短不短，而当中也发生了些事吧..或许是我不好，她遇上另一个男生，而她竟然瞒着我跟他交往了1个月，我好愚昧，竟然选择了原谅她，也许，我是不想看到她伤心吧，所以，选择了留下陪她，直到她找到了另一个...就在一年后她找到了，而我和她的缘分就到此结束咯...伤心，也只伤心了几天罢了..也许是不习惯没人陪吧，然而我知道，自己深爱的，还是另有其人....但是我好像并没有资格说出来吧...说出来了，还是被拒绝，一句普通朋友就足以让我却步.....
我有想过等她，一直等下去，然而，一直受伤，让我麻木了，很多事还没做我就知道结果，而当我去做，就算是那样也无所谓了，因为我已有了心理准备...就在她最后一次拒绝我的时候，我以为自己会很伤心，然而我没哭，我知道，自己已被hurt到没知觉了，习惯了那种痛...从此之后，我告诉自己，我不会再让女生hurt我，就算我遇到喜欢的，我也不会去行动，只因我真的很怕失败，很怕被拒绝...

就那样，来到了今天，就快半年了我不再去追求女生..因为我知道，我没资格给她们任何的承诺...或许，我会是个很疼女朋友的男生，然而，我却没有机会去尝试疼一个女生，告诉她我爱你...不开心时，我希望他会听我倾诉，我一直都在寻找着，寻找着，我希望自己会找到，我也希望她会是我的终身伴侣，看清楚咯，是未来的妻子咯~

Seaching , searching and searching......

除了叹气，还能怎样?

总是叹气，叹气，叹气时总是想起你...
好想发封短信给你...真的好想你..
然而，每次我都打消了自己的念头..或许，你根本就不在乎吧..不是吗..

自己还是那么的关心你...好像知道你的近况，然而，没有资格的我..总不是第一个知道你的近况...为什么,自己那么的深爱着你，不断地问自己，不断地告诉自己，凯豪，该放弃了...但是，内心深处的我..做不到，做不到...

不是我不想忘了你，而是我，无法将你忘去...知道你在油战打工..好像告诉你要小心..等等等等..然而我没说...只因为，我知道，说了只会让你反感吧...

无论我再怎么的麻醉自己，还是无法将你从我内心深处抹去，我不知道我还能做些什么...只知道，现在的我，已没有任何的奢求了...我真的只希望你会过得很好，你会过得开心，你..会遇到一个对你很好的男生...幸福快乐..而我..呵呵，也就只有默默的祝福你吧......

不知还能说些什么，只希望，你开心，幸福...

loving you..........

上来写废话了~

What will a guy who lost his confidence do ?
I don't know...But he afraid of nothing , but just one thing he's really afraid of..

What shall i do ....
try to wash everything clear , but i can't do it.
I hope i can , but the fact is a no...What have i done wrong ? i asked myself.
I can't find the answer , why am i afraid of this kind of thing . Remember last time , i'll never feel afraid . Maybe last time i was innocent , but not now.
Grown up , i have to concern about many things.Unlike last time , do whatever i want to do , nowaday no longer happy memories for me . I enjoy the life with friends , that's great...

No one will ever cherish the time , we will only feel regretful when we visualise the past...
Promise to myself , i'll make myself better . I need to get my confidence back ....I need and i will.......First thing first , i have to forget someone completely , and the other thing , i'll concentrate in my career ....i hope i can do so...

My friends , let us work together to archieve our goals , no matter it's stpm or working , i know that there might be a time we can gather together , and we'll enjoy our time together...nothing is imposible , qi , xin min , shi rong , ffish , mango , seng kiet , monkey , jwen , and so on =) gambateh!! 90s

我的梦想其实很简单..我只想让别人开心，我自己开不开心，并不重要~只要别人开心，我就够了~

呵呵...no matter who you are , as soon as you know me , i'll try my best to entertain you , and for sure , i hope i can educate more people , and i'll make them in love in learning english and other subjects too , i'll try my best!!!

What shall i do?

Wondering about something , but i don't brave enough to solve it.
Hide it inside my heart , because i know that i'll be a nother impossible mission.
Adore , like or love ,

Is it adore? Is it like ? or It's love?
The best way for me to solve my problem , it's avoid myself to fall in love one more time to another girl , without hesitation , i'll do like this.Yeah , that's the best way for me to cure and to forget the impact that brought by the love issues to me.

19 years old , no matter adore , like or love , i have experienced before.
As what i said , i don't want to suffer in this kind of issues anymore .
Although there's someone that i like , i'll choose to avoid rather than try my best to get her.

I have gone through a lot of trouble last time ,.Sometimes i'll ask myself , why should we be together with another girl/boy? I know it clearly , if we love someone , we hope that we can give happiness to her, no matter where she/he is , as soon as we can accompany him/her , she will feel happy. Is it?
Well , maybe it's right , or maybe that's wrong!

Sometimes , no matter how hard have we worked for that , we will never get the one that we love because there's a lot of thing that have been destined . No matter how hard have you given out , you can never change the fact.So , what shall we do?

Do not want to take any actions don't mean that i'm giving up but i know that , since i can't give her anything , why don't i wait till someone who can give her happiness to take good care of her? Somemore , a guy who lost his confidence will never shine no matter what had he done...

Working

Working life's great but study life is much more greater than working.
While i was still studying , i hoped that one day later i can graduated from that stupid school!Anyway , once i have graduated from the school , i found that everything have been changed.

Most of my friends went to their own college , happy moments were no longer there.
I enjoyed the time to pass with my friends , i like to talk with them , eventhough i know that we're talking craps but who cares? As long as we enjoyed it , then it's fine!
Working life can be interesting and it can be dull too! Just depend whether you enjoy you job or not..As for me , i enjoy my job there , so i have no problem in working there..

Anyway , working in an office is not as easy as what we think.There might be a lot of hypocrite inside the office.Well i'm not talking about myself , cause i'm not..i reveal myself and i make fun of myself , that's why , i have a lot of friends!
I met with a few colleague , they are all very nice and all of us like to joke .
"Working without joke make Jill a dull person" is it like that? Maybe lol!

As for me , i have my own opinions , whatever thing that those people told me , i'll not trust it 100% , i'll think and i'll ask myself , is it true? Cause i know , we can't believe in what those people say without any prove.We have to find the answer for ourselves , don't follow suit what the other people do but , we have to step out the first step and all of the people will follow us!That's what i want.

No matter how busy my work is , i'll finish it as soon as possible , i don't like to drag my work because i know that , we have to finish our work as soon as possible or else we'll have a lot of incomplete thing to do!
It doesn't mean that i want to make myself busy but i want to finish my work =)

Anyway , no one is perfect , even i'll make mistakes sometimes but i will admit it! i will not pretend i'm very good . Once you reveal your mistakes , you accept it , you receive it , only you will become better and better.The one who doesn't want to admit his mistakes , will never success !

Working , working and working , when will i stop my working life and continue my study? haha , i don't know yet ~ maybe it'll be in no time , or maybe few years later?cause i'm now happy with my salary and yeah , happy to work there=) i have learnt a lot of english vocabularies and i have learnt a lot OF grammar knowledge there =)

So, TVR is the place for me to improve myself , why should i release this golden opportunity for me to become a better speaker or a better teacher?Whenever i have spoken something wrong,they found that's funny and laugh , but i don't mind i'll receive it and i'll ask them the correct way to speak it out.SO , that's how i improve , i never get angry when people laugh at me , when they laugh i feel happy and they feel happy too , so what for i get angry?

Haha , i can't find any reason for myself to quit this job~

CheerS for my work , cheerS for my friends and cheerS for my SINGLE LIFE =)

珍惜眼前人，珍惜你现有的一切~

珍惜眼前人，珍惜你现有的一切，我们都会说，但是有多少个人可以做到?
没有几个吧，人总是那样，在你身边的，你永远都不会珍惜，等到失去了，才来后悔。
但是很多事，就算你后悔，都来不及了，走了就是走了，不想Terminator Salvation 所说的"everyone deserves a second chance"我看了那个电影，反复思考，并不是每件事都有第二次机会的..为何我们要期待着第二次的机会...请珍惜现有的，现在的才是珍贵的~失而复得，也许那东西，已经不是以前那么的纯洁，珍贵了...

回想起三年前，一件事彻底的改变了我的人生观~中四的那年，我就是一个"幼稚的小孩"
每天都只会嘻嘻哈哈的玩耍~从来就不会珍惜自己身边所拥有的~但是...他的离去..是我一生的遗憾，我无法原谅自己，从来没有珍惜和他一起时的日子..如果，当初我可以跟他多沟通，或许他留给我的回忆，并不只这么些~
一天早上，我和往常一样，到篮球场去打球，出去时，我开了他房间的门，"他回来了"..心里想着，也许是搭火车刚回到吧，之后我就出去了..谁会想到，那时我最后一次听到他咳嗽的声音..之后，就再也没机会了..

打完球后，我就在家打电动，他出去了，打着打着，电话响起了...我接听了电话，是一个aunty打来了，是她告诉我，我舅舅刚在去医院途中哮喘病发作，去世了，这晴天霹雳的消息..我不敢相信自己听到的一切..告诉了我妈这消息..她红了眼眶。

之后，我就跟我爸去了医院...到了那里，一具冷冰冰的尸体，躺在床上..我..摇了摇他..叫了他几次..但是他并没有回应我,泪水忍不住地落下了...我大声地呐喊着。。。心里想着，为什么???为什么????!!!!无法接受这是事实的我，只可以强忍着泪水,因为他们说，当一个人往生时，若有泪水滴到，就好像被雷劈那么的痛苦,这时的我，才知道，原来生命是何等的脆弱...回到家，一次又一次的，思考着。八年了，同一屋檐下，我跟他有过什么美好的回忆。.没有。.我怪自己，怎么从来没有珍惜过,要是时光能够倒流，是多好的事，但是，那是不可能的...我知道.....
他的离去..对我当时的打击挺大的..然而，现在想起，除了遗憾，还是会有点伤心..只因，这是我一生的遗憾..人的一生总会有不少的遗憾，遗憾不能跟自己最心爱的人一起，遗憾没有珍惜以前的日子，遗憾没有珍惜眼前人...然而，多少的人，可以真正的做到，珍惜眼前人这件事?

时间一去不回头，没有时光倒流这回事，过了就是过了，没了就是没了..无论你再怎么的痛哭，怎么的挣扎，也不会有转机..何不从现在起，就学会珍惜，眼前每个人呢???

Waiting

As usual , yesterday was not a great day for me.
I have been a long time never have a great day.

Since last few months , until now , i'm still waiting for the day,a full happy day for me.Don't know why , no matter how happy i'm now , i'll still have some unhappy moments too.Maybe i'm lacking of something.

I know, i can't be like that , holding for a thing tightly . I need to learn , how to put down the thing and how to make myself happy...

Sighing , sighing , sighing , non stop sighing for me , always haiz...
I don't know why , but the sigh , comes out from deep of my heart , deep in my heart , i know myself is unhappy , but i have to be happy in front of the people , because i told myself last time , i want to bring happiness to all of the people around me .
No matter when , no matter how , i want to see everyone's happy.

But as what i said last time , a guy who makes people happy , doesn't mean that he's happy.That's true , cause i'm experiencing it now.I know the feeling.I know that , how struggle i am.Pretend nothing to be happened , pretend i don't care about you , pretend i'm now very happy...My life's still miserable , full with misery , i still haven changed my life yet.Eventhough i like my job , i know that there's something i can't forget...

What should i do ? i don't know , maybe , what i have to do is , to wait the time , brushes everything clean , even my feeling towards you , i hope i can , forget you as soon as possible.Forgive me , for doing such a decision.Because i have been struggling for so many months , or maybe years .That's the most disastrous moments for me , i never tell anyone , even you , nobody will know how do i feel. Even when i was in a relationship before , haiz...that's what i can't forgive myself until now.

Refuse to start another relationship , refuse to take any actions toward the girl i like , because i scare , i might hurt another one , or i might hurt myself too..
I'm afraid of the hurt feeling...so i decided not to involve myself in any relationships anymore...